transition queen

it's time for another chapter marker for the adventures of lindsay. this time it's the break between poznan living sola and who knows what next. the chapter is seperated this time by the amazing roadtrip about to take place manana. it's time for a road trip. it's been too long.

so it's time for an evening of chips and guacamole and la cerveza mas fina!

no hablo espanol pero manana voy a barcelona, espana con mi amigo espanol... perdonme... mi amigo catalan. y que es un catalan. yo no se pero el es un sympaticzny facet ze nie mowi po polsku (tez nie mowie po polsku). bueno... comeremos tapas con la cerveza mas fina. todo esta mas fina despues de la cerveza mas fina. dog, si quieras un tiempo bueno, lo que necesitas es comer las enchilladas con carne en mexico con la cerveza mas fina.

pero primero, it's time for an evening of chips and guacamole and la cerveza mas fina!

hasta luego mis mofos!!!

The Computerless

Dear Computer-havers, the connected,

Last week my iPhone crashed for good. It crashed right after the warantee ran out. Couldn't have planned it better myself. After the initial shock of being cyberly stranded like on a deserted island, I've slowly been able to learn how to wander through life as a computer borrower.

My phone had my dictionaries, my library of books, my music, my journal, all my contacts and phone numbers, my emails, my skype, my camera and photo albums, my bus/tram time-tables, my expedia itinerary viewer, and everything else necessary for being connected globally from the palm of my hand while living like a turtle with my home on my back.

Today, I've been wandering through webpages of job listings. (I'm using an office computer at the coffee shop that I've been helping around with.) Most of the job listings deal with the use of a computer or something technological. Unless I get a computer in the near future with all the money I don't have, I'd have to borrow a computer several times a day to do these jobs.

I've now joined a new class of people... the computer borrowers... even worse...

The ComputerLess.

Yes, you know the ones that you see coming from a mile away just when you started that oh so very important email or your search for something interesting for the ump-teenth time that very hour. The ones that ask with a smile, "Can I borrow your computer?", just like you knew they would. You're never really sure if these people are interested in you as a person or just your computer, but really you never had the chance to get to know them because you couldn't find them on facebook to see their status updates and they were never on skype to chat with. So really it's not your fault that you don't know them. If they were better connected then you're sure that you would know them better. Yes, those are the ones I'm talking about. And as soon as they take your computer and hold it in their laps you just stare at the table that used to hold your computer safely. Suddenly you think of all the other million things you had on your internet-to-do list and you can hear the seconds ticking on the clock across the room... Dang, I wonder what the tempurature in Atlanta, Austin, Memphis, Nashville, Birmingham, Prague, Skopje, Krakow, London, Kiev, Lisbon, Lima, Rome and Richmond are right now? And I wonder who wrote to me on facebook, twitter, blogger Google Buzz, Google Talk, MSN messenger, Yahoo and AIM and how many emails I have now in my email inbox? What if someone had something important to tell me or an important question that was urgent and I don't have my computer to answer them immediately? Will they be ok without my response? Will they be mad at me? Will they forget about me and not need me any more when they find out they can ask someone else that's connected these questions? So then you try to continue your conversations that you were having from your computer with the other people in the room, but they don't really answer you because they're talking to someone else online and managing their life on their screen and suddenly inside you feel alone because it's silent.

The computerless need to find another computer to use because I need my life back.

Tent Maker

So I find myself in Poland again. It seems like I never really left. But really I think on the calendar there were 4 months spent in the states. Those 4 months feel kinda like a blur. Good and healing but intense and exhausting.

I came back to Poland to visit a friend. 3 days before my plane was supposed to return to Tennessee I realized that I didn't have a job or place to live when I got back to the states. Therefore, I reasoned, why not stay in Poland. Against wise counsel that I should go back to the states and make a plan for life in Poland and then return, I stayed.

Poland's always been in my heart. People ask me why Poland. I figure why not. For some reason since the first time I came here my heart has stayed here piece by piece. Finally I decided to just stay.

I found a place to stay until may. Now I'm looking for work. I've always felt that I was supposed to do the tent making thing. Now I finally get to do it but I'm realizing that I suck at the whole making part. I know how to sleep in a tent but to make it sucks. I was talking to a friend yesterday about her various trips with the company. I started to get jealous. She was talking about people giving her things and I thought... Dang I wish someone would just give me a job. I don't want money. I just want to continue eating and I want to be working. Geeez... I'm so selfish sometimes. For the past month people have given me a place to sleep. People have given me their friendship and kindness. They've fed me and helped me find my way around. I have been given much. And for much I am thankful.

So today I went to the open market and bought an old crappy bike. I was proud of myself for gettin it 20zl cheaper than the guy wanted to sell it for. Haha. My plan is to try to rebuild it and then sell it. We'll see how this business goes. Financial business partners welcome... Cough... Snort... Yaaa. Actually.

Having a bike made me smile today. I haven't smiled much in the last week. The life of a lonely traveler gets old I've found.

However I do have community here that I've never had in the states. They graciously let me help lead worship and prayer on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I love it and they have welcomed me and have been teaching me new songs in polish. And there's a group of American missionaries that have invited me to join them in ministry. I've started leading worship with them and helping the new baby m's find their way around the grocery store.

So that's what I'm doing. I hope all are well. Please pray for me that I'll find ways to make money. Pray that I'll have wisdom and courage and strength to work on poor relationships with people. Pray that I'll find someone to lease my car that's in Nashville.

Peace


-posted from my mo fo phone.

elephant

there's an elephant in the room.
i can see it between me and you.
could we talk about it and maybe choose,
to not go around but rather through?

krak house

TEFL?

long lost community... is it a dream? or is it real?

what if i didn't leave first this time?

what if i allowed myself to be left?

hey hot tea makes you warm after a long cold walk and wait for the bus. who knew? it's one of those long kept secrets of the polish people.

Remember

Moses wrote that we should write the commandments on our doorpost and on our hearts. He said that we should be telling testimonies of what God has done every morning, evening and night. That we should tell them to our children so that one day when they are ready to understand they will ask us why. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we serve this God? Why do we care for the oppressed? Why do we rest when everyone else keeps working? Why are we different?

...because we were once hated and oppressed slaves. And the crazy thing about it is that we walked into it freely. We serve this God because he was the one who reached out his mighty hand and brought us out of the oppression and slavery and into freedom. He brought us into life like he'd promised to us long ago.

Moses wrote deuteronomy at the end of his life. It's the final words and wishes of a dieing man. You can hear the longing in his words. He's longing that these people would trust his words as wisdom. He's longing that these people would continue to walk in faith because he knows how dark the slavery was. He was the only one left from those dark days. He had seen with his own eyes the oppression. It wasn't just a story that he had heard some old person tell. He had lived in it and had felt it's destruction.

He's longing for the new generation to understand.

Over and over he tells them to remember. "don't forget what you have been saved from so that you won't go back!", he pleads.

On the days when you feel so far away from that land of slavery that it feels like a distant dream. On the days when you can't really remember the darkness very well and you begin to forget how it felt to be freed. On the days when you forget that at one point you were freed from the thing that is starting to look appetizing again...

...remember.

Posted with LifeCast

Mourning

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted...

This trip is like a bookend. It's like the end of a section of my life.

It's been a little over a year since I was here. I remember the walkways and the nasty lake and the cluster of buildings and the great piano in the main meeting room.

How I wish that I could jog by the gazebo and hear Emily play something sweet. I wish I could borrow the white mini van and block AP in. I wish I could hear Beverly processing through the things she's been learning. I wish I could work on a prayer card while the parade of speakers carries on. I wish I could go eat outside with my best friend. And I wish that I was bright eyed and heading off on my Great Polish Adventure.

I look back and I think... How much have I lost. I mourn today.

No, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything because I know it's been the road to here--healing and hopefilled life that's been breathed deep into me. I'm being restored. I'm being renewed. I'm being redeemed. But at the same time, there's been such a great loss that I find myself mourning those losses today.

But the hope is this... In my mourning, he is here and he is near. In my weeping, he sees me and holds me tightly in his arms. In my brokenness, he draws near and he accepts me like this--exactly where I am. Exactly how I am. For he is the God of the oppressed, the hurting, the broken, the lost, the fpo dropouts...

He is my God in whom I find rest.

Posted with LifeCast

Voice

I closed my eyes and breathed in deep and there before me was a woman...

She was tall and skinny-bones hung on flesh like one who had been kept locked in chains and oppressed. I asked her, Who are you? She said, Voice. I could see a gentleness in her but also a strength that came from deep within. Her voice was that of strength yet full of compassion and wisdom. I asked her, What do you speak? She said immediately and without hesitation, Truth. I speak Truth. When she said this I knew it was a deep Truth. Like Truth that was spoken before the foundations of the earth. But still she was so frail and emaciated. And so I asked, But why do you look like this? She said, Because fear has kept me quiet. He has bound my hands and my feet and locked the door behind me. But though my body has wasted away, I am still strong. And I summoned fear to come near. He came and stood. We talked and he explained himself. When he finished, I charged him to step back and to release Voice. I told him that it is time that she be heard. It is time that she speak truth. And I asked fear to begin a new job. Instead of oppression, use your gifts to warn the house. Use your gifts to blow a trumpet at the threat of on coming attacks. Because if Voice speaks, then some will not like it. The House needs warning to establish its defense. With this, fear stepped aside, eager and excited about his new duty. And I looked at Voice and said to her, be who you were made to be. At this, she began to grow even taller. She was still skinny as a reed but she was fuller and healthier and stronger. And I said, Voice, speak. Speak Truth. For it is time that Truth be heard. May it come from deep within and may it be full of wisdom and discernment and compassion and grace and mercy. Speak with all gentleness these things and this House will listen and defend you. For you were made with a purpose for this House. So rise up and live your purpose...

Posted with LifeCast