still, quiet

i remember a few years ago seeing the shock and dismay displayed across a friend's face as i told him that i didn't want to go to the upcoming passion conference. he was in shock by the fact that i didn't feel the spiritual need to go to the conference. i didn't view the conference as a vital lifeline for my relationship with God.

this past sunday at church it was a pretty crazy scene. i could've sworn that at one point they were going to start dancing the thriller dance. people seemed moved and half out of their minds. it reminds me of david dancing naked in front of the ark or the disciples speaking in tongues at pentecost and being accused of being drunk.

but then last night i was laying in bed and listening to "found" by hillsong. the electronic piano/hammon sound took me to a place of longing to hear from God. then i heard the roar of heavy rain outside my window and for a second i wondered... God are you in the rain? then i saw myself sitting in the mouth of a cave hoping to hear God in the rain like elijah. but i didn't hear him in the rain. i didn't hear him in the fire of the church meeting last week.

at different times he does speak to us during times of rain, fire and violent winds. but sometimes he doesn't. sometimes he speaks in the quiet. in the stillness. in the quiet places of my heart where i can slow down and just sit and listen.

some things i'd like to hear from him about:
an apartment... safe place to live. home. my own space.
job... work. money.
purpose... i feel like i have purpose in life, but i get easily discouraged when i start to think of how my purpose isn't leading me to some kind of financial stability. i mean... i need a season of deposits into the bank account as opposed to the negatives that steadily get listed each day.
worship... where am i supposed to lead people? what does God want to teach me and where does he want to lead me so that i can lead and teach other people?

ok... that's all for the moment. peace.