tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1317512097437698162024-03-13T21:40:02.169-07:00lifts and elevatorsCadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-41473171501229919002010-08-27T14:35:00.000-07:002010-08-27T15:05:59.147-07:00disappointedso apparently apartment finding has become more than a game of who's first to put a deposit on the new apt. apparently it's so much more complicated than that. i know about credit checks and needing a recommendation and such practices when seeking to rent an apt. however, recently i found myself in a screening process that has just confused the heck out of me.<br /><br />me and my friend went to see an apt and we really liked it. it was the 2nd apt we had seen out of countless others that we could both afford and that we really liked and felt safe in when we were seeing it. so we expressed that we would like to rent it immediately. that's when we found out that there were other people interested in the apt but the couple renting it were going to choose who they liked the most for renting it out. i missed that detail of the competition aspect of the whole thing and had to be debriefed after we left. we were told that they would contact us in 2 days to let us know whether or not they'd picked us for the apt. i didn't even get a chance to suck up or anything.<br /><br />the people met us for 10min. all they knew about us was that i work and ewa is finishing school. i'm american. we're both quiet and we don't smoke. other than that... i don't think they asked us anything else about ourselves. so that's what they had to base their decision on. today the guy finally called at 9p to tell us that they really liked us but were going to rent the apt to someone else. but if those people drop out then they'll call us and see if we're still interested. geez...<br /><br />i need a home.<br /><br />i've been living out of boxes and bags since the end of may. i paid rent this month but don't even have wardrobe space of my own... no wait... i have a shelf. geez... what the hell am i doing with my life?<br /><br />ps... my dog got run over by a truck and my trailor burned down and all i've got is hot beer in the back of my broken down truck.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-342979882612284332010-08-24T13:58:00.000-07:002010-08-24T13:59:26.207-07:00happy thanksgiving<br /><br />merry christmas<br /><br />happy new years<br /><br />... i'm getting a head start on the end of the year.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-51592247823744367252010-08-17T07:58:00.000-07:002010-08-17T08:16:36.180-07:00still, quieti remember a few years ago seeing the shock and dismay displayed across a friend's face as i told him that i didn't want to go to the upcoming passion conference. he was in shock by the fact that i didn't feel the spiritual need to go to the conference. i didn't view the conference as a vital lifeline for my relationship with God.<br /><br />this past sunday at church it was a pretty crazy scene. i could've sworn that at one point they were going to start dancing the thriller dance. people seemed moved and half out of their minds. it reminds me of david dancing naked in front of the ark or the disciples speaking in tongues at pentecost and being accused of being drunk.<br /><br />but then last night i was laying in bed and listening to "found" by hillsong. the electronic piano/hammon sound took me to a place of longing to hear from God. then i heard the roar of heavy rain outside my window and for a second i wondered... God are you in the rain? then i saw myself sitting in the mouth of a cave hoping to hear God in the rain like elijah. but i didn't hear him in the rain. i didn't hear him in the fire of the church meeting last week.<br /><br />at different times he does speak to us during times of rain, fire and violent winds. but sometimes he doesn't. sometimes he speaks in the quiet. in the stillness. in the quiet places of my heart where i can slow down and just sit and listen.<br /><br />some things i'd like to hear from him about:<br />an apartment... safe place to live. home. my own space.<br />job... work. money.<br />purpose... i feel like i have purpose in life, but i get easily discouraged when i start to think of how my purpose isn't leading me to some kind of financial stability. i mean... i need a season of deposits into the bank account as opposed to the negatives that steadily get listed each day.<br />worship... where am i supposed to lead people? what does God want to teach me and where does he want to lead me so that i can lead and teach other people?<br /><br />ok... that's all for the moment. peace.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-14380007666749762052010-06-12T07:42:00.001-07:002010-06-12T07:50:49.557-07:00the street lifei finally found a spot to play on the street. i figured that i could make some extra cash like i did last week.<br /><br />i had just gotten warmed up and cozy in my spot when this guy walked up semi close. i could tell he was watching me even though he was trying to pretend like he wasn't. he slowly made his way around me in a semi circle at a distance. finally he planted himself behind me on some bike racks that i was leaning against. i had my backpack behind my back as a pillow against the hard metal. so i kept one eye on him and one on my guitar case. then another guy came from no where and he set his doufle bag on one side of me and then walked over to the other side of me real friendly-like asking me questions about my guitar and commenting about how nice it was and trying to be too friendly (totally not a polish thing). and then the guy behind me got closer slowly. finally i grabbed my bag, put it under my leg while i packed my guitar in the case. i booked it out of there.<br /><br />man... tryin to hussle a hussler. crazy mo fo's. in the states my stuff would've already been long gone. but i guess the poles figure they can work slower because people aren't expecting to be robbed in the middle of a crowded street while everyone's looking. i need a street buddy to watch my back.<br /><br />dang... only made 1zl (30cents). i need a job.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-5420293183889856332010-06-11T04:13:00.000-07:002010-06-11T04:37:47.795-07:00un-souvenirsone of my friends blogged about traveling and that someone said that americans take things from other places. i'd like to give my example of how that's not personally true of my travels...<br /><br />recently, it came to my attention that i only have 8 pairs of undies. i counted because i was packing for an 11 night trip. i did bring more even though i only moved to poland with a backpack. which means... somehow along the course of traveling i've managed to lose (or had them stolen which has happened before) a few pairs of undies. most people enjoy the experience of finding something in a new place to take back to their old place... souvenirs. apparently, i've been leaving a legacy of dirty undies throughout the world.<br /><br />to make the story more exciting, i had my friend mail my computer to a lady that's coming to krakow in a week! i'll have a computer again!!! but apparently through the course of conversation i made it clear that i didn't have much stuff as far as base layers. so she included my undies with the computer. they weren't new, fresh in the package undies, no they're my old undies which i'm hoping were clean but can't guarantee such things since i was expecting to return to the states shortly to finish my laundry.<br /><br />so i have new undies about to travel the ocean. o how i missed them so. finally we'll be together again. i'll be ridin smooth and happy again with fresh undies.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-23866782795857878002010-06-10T07:26:00.000-07:002010-06-10T07:32:04.887-07:00the picky beggaranyone want to sponsor me for a trip to macedonia to help with worship and leading an iwc group around skopje for a week?<br /><br />it would be good for my heart and hopefully encouraging for the peeps there too.<br /><br />thought i'd ask. i did it last year on my own monies and it was one of the awesome highlights of my summer. it was a sweet time with God and other believers serving in the roma villages in skopje. this year if i had the money i'd be there in a sec.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-17661801588173280202010-06-09T13:03:00.000-07:002010-06-09T13:10:15.905-07:00shocki lived completely by myself for 3 months. now i live in an apt with 10 other girls. i sleep on a mattress on the floor at night in a room with 2 other girls and during the day lean the mattress against the wall. my stuff is stashed on top of wardrobes. there's a constant stream of polish all day long. shock to the senses. ahhhh!!!<br /><br />today the worries on my mind... money... job... future journey. where am i going?<br /><br />home... where will you be? who will you be?<br /><br />i'm reading a biography about dietrich bonhoefer. it's good. next friday i have a concert in krakow. i need to sell cds.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-41453612687527319972010-06-06T05:22:00.000-07:002010-06-06T05:29:17.374-07:00the pause buttonso i keep seeing all the status updates and new blog posts for my friends that are getting ready to go back to the states and it makes me miss all my home diggidies.<br /><br />i talked to a girl yesterday that had just returned to poland after a few months of fund raising in the states. she said that everyone had changed and everything was different from when she was here before. i told her it's because she made a rookie mistake in international living. she totally forgot to push pause before she left.<br /><br />i always push pause before i leave a place. it makes it easier to return to a place. all the people are the same just like i left them and all the places are the same and are still there. i know what to expect when i return. it's good. it's the best of both worlds. i can visit a new place and new people for a while and then know that i'm not missing anything on the other side of the world.<br /><br />so for all you rookie international livers (liver tastes disgusting... why people want to eat the part of the animal that filters all the waste products is beyond me... but i digress)...<br /><br />international livers and travelers in general... Always remember to push pause before you leave.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-15712538826348931622010-05-27T10:25:00.000-07:002010-05-27T10:50:32.318-07:00transition queenit's time for another chapter marker for the adventures of lindsay. this time it's the break between poznan living sola and who knows what next. the chapter is seperated this time by the amazing roadtrip about to take place manana. it's time for a road trip. it's been too long.<br /><br />so it's time for an evening of chips and guacamole and la cerveza mas fina!<br /><br />no hablo espanol pero manana voy a barcelona, espana con mi amigo espanol... perdonme... mi amigo catalan. y que es un catalan. yo no se pero el es un sympaticzny facet ze nie mowi po polsku (tez nie mowie po polsku). bueno... comeremos tapas con la cerveza mas fina. todo esta mas fina despues de la cerveza mas fina. dog, si quieras un tiempo bueno, lo que necesitas es comer las enchilladas con carne en mexico con la cerveza mas fina.<br /><br />pero primero, it's time for an evening of chips and guacamole and la cerveza mas fina!<br /><br />hasta luego mis mofos!!!Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-69192767618812524392010-05-06T06:25:00.000-07:002010-05-06T07:03:54.675-07:00The ComputerlessDear Computer-havers, the connected,<br /><br />Last week my iPhone crashed for good. It crashed right after the warantee ran out. Couldn't have planned it better myself. After the initial shock of being cyberly stranded like on a deserted island, I've slowly been able to learn how to wander through life as a computer borrower.<br /><br />My phone had my dictionaries, my library of books, my music, my journal, all my contacts and phone numbers, my emails, my skype, my camera and photo albums, my bus/tram time-tables, my expedia itinerary viewer, and everything else necessary for being connected globally from the palm of my hand while living like a turtle with my home on my back.<br /><br />Today, I've been wandering through webpages of job listings. (I'm using an office computer at the coffee shop that I've been helping around with.) Most of the job listings deal with the use of a computer or something technological. Unless I get a computer in the near future with all the money I don't have, I'd have to borrow a computer <em>several </em>times a day to do these jobs.<br /><br />I've now joined a new class of people... the computer borrowers... even worse...<br /><br />The ComputerLess.<br /><br />Yes, you know the ones that you see coming from a mile away just when you started that oh so very important email or your search for something interesting for the ump-teenth time that very hour. The ones that ask with a smile, "Can I borrow your computer?", just like you knew they would. You're never really sure if these people are interested in you as a person or just your computer, but really you never had the chance to get to know them because you couldn't find them on facebook to see their status updates and they were never on skype to chat with. So really it's not your fault that you don't know them. If they were better connected then you're sure that you would know them better. Yes, <em>those</em> are the ones I'm talking about. And as soon as they take your computer and hold it in their laps you just stare at the table that used to hold your computer safely. Suddenly you think of all the other million things you had on your internet-to-do list and you can hear the seconds ticking on the clock across the room... Dang, I wonder what the tempurature in Atlanta, Austin, Memphis, Nashville, Birmingham, Prague, Skopje, Krakow, London, Kiev, Lisbon, Lima, Rome and Richmond are right now? And I wonder who wrote to me on facebook, twitter, blogger Google Buzz, Google Talk, MSN messenger, Yahoo and AIM and how many emails I have now in my email inbox? What if someone had something important to tell me or an important question that was urgent and I don't have my computer to answer them immediately? Will they be ok without my response? Will they be mad at me? Will they forget about me and not need me any more when they find out they can ask someone else that's connected these questions? So then you try to continue your conversations that you were having from your computer with the other people in the room, but they don't really answer you because they're talking to someone else online and managing their life on their screen and suddenly inside you feel alone because it's silent.<br /><br />The computerless need to find another computer to use because I need my life back.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-23080249202147745222010-03-04T13:04:00.001-08:002010-03-04T13:04:54.292-08:00Tent MakerSo I find myself in Poland again. It seems like I never really left. But really I think on the calendar there were 4 months spent in the states. Those 4 months feel kinda like a blur. Good and healing but intense and exhausting. <br /><br />I came back to Poland to visit a friend. 3 days before my plane was supposed to return to Tennessee I realized that I didn't have a job or place to live when I got back to the states. Therefore, I reasoned, why not stay in Poland. Against wise counsel that I should go back to the states and make a plan for life in Poland and then return, I stayed. <br /><br />Poland's always been in my heart. People ask me why Poland. I figure why not. For some reason since the first time I came here my heart has stayed here piece by piece. Finally I decided to just stay. <br /><br />I found a place to stay until may. Now I'm looking for work. I've always felt that I was supposed to do the tent making thing. Now I finally get to do it but I'm realizing that I suck at the whole making part. I know how to sleep in a tent but to make it sucks. I was talking to a friend yesterday about her various trips with the company. I started to get jealous. She was talking about people giving her things and I thought... Dang I wish someone would just give me a job. I don't want money. I just want to continue eating and I want to be working. Geeez... I'm so selfish sometimes. For the past month people have given me a place to sleep. People have given me their friendship and kindness. They've fed me and helped me find my way around. I have been given much. And for much I am thankful. <br /><br />So today I went to the open market and bought an old crappy bike. I was proud of myself for gettin it 20zl cheaper than the guy wanted to sell it for. Haha. My plan is to try to rebuild it and then sell it. We'll see how this business goes. Financial business partners welcome... Cough... Snort... Yaaa. Actually. <br /><br />Having a bike made me smile today. I haven't smiled much in the last week. The life of a lonely traveler gets old I've found.<br /><br />However I do have community here that I've never had in the states. They graciously let me help lead worship and prayer on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I love it and they have welcomed me and have been teaching me new songs in polish. And there's a group of American missionaries that have invited me to join them in ministry. I've started leading worship with them and helping the new baby m's find their way around the grocery store. <br /><br />So that's what I'm doing. I hope all are well. Please pray for me that I'll find ways to make money. Pray that I'll have wisdom and courage and strength to work on poor relationships with people. Pray that I'll find someone to lease my car that's in Nashville.<br /><br />Peace <br /><br /><br />-posted from my mo fo phone.<br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-5184560583743151702010-01-13T14:26:00.001-08:002010-01-13T14:30:19.852-08:00elephantthere's an elephant in the room.<br />i can see it between me and you.<br />could we talk about it and maybe choose,<br />to not go around but rather through?<br /><br />krak house<br /><br />TEFL?<br /><br />long lost community... is it a dream? or is it real?<br /><br />what if i didn't leave first this time?<br /><br />what if i allowed myself to be left?<br /><br />hey hot tea makes you warm after a long cold walk and wait for the bus. who knew? it's one of those long kept secrets of the polish people.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-34969270595024767982009-11-17T10:05:00.001-08:002009-11-17T10:05:43.578-08:00Remember<p>Moses wrote that we should write the commandments on our doorpost and on our hearts. He said that we should be telling testimonies of what God has done every morning, evening and night. That we should tell them to our children so that one day when they are ready to understand they will ask us why. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we serve this God? Why do we care for the oppressed? Why do we rest when everyone else keeps working? Why are we different?<br /><br />...because we were once hated and oppressed slaves. And the crazy thing about it is that we walked into it freely. We serve this God because he was the one who reached out his mighty hand and brought us out of the oppression and slavery and into freedom. He brought us into life like he'd promised to us long ago. <br /><br />Moses wrote deuteronomy at the end of his life. It's the final words and wishes of a dieing man. You can hear the longing in his words. He's longing that these people would trust his words as wisdom. He's longing that these people would continue to walk in faith because he knows how dark the slavery was. He was the only one left from those dark days. He had seen with his own eyes the oppression. It wasn't just a story that he had heard some old person tell. He had lived in it and had felt it's destruction.<br /><br />He's longing for the new generation to understand. <br /><br />Over and over he tells them to remember. "don't forget what you have been saved from so that you won't go back!", he pleads. <br /><br />On the days when you feel so far away from that land of slavery that it feels like a distant dream. On the days when you can't really remember the darkness very well and you begin to forget how it felt to be freed. On the days when you forget that at one point you were freed from the thing that is starting to look appetizing again...<br /><br />...remember. </p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-81320352682042322242009-11-05T11:04:00.001-08:002009-11-05T11:04:25.372-08:00Mourning<p>Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted...<br /><br />This trip is like a bookend. It's like the end of a section of my life. <br /><br />It's been a little over a year since I was here. I remember the walkways and the nasty lake and the cluster of buildings and the great piano in the main meeting room. <br /><br />How I wish that I could jog by the gazebo and hear Emily play something sweet. I wish I could borrow the white mini van and block AP in. I wish I could hear Beverly processing through the things she's been learning. I wish I could work on a prayer card while the parade of speakers carries on. I wish I could go eat outside with my best friend. And I wish that I was bright eyed and heading off on my Great Polish Adventure.<br /><br />I look back and I think... How much have I lost. I mourn today. <br /><br />No, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything because I know it's been the road to here--healing and hopefilled life that's been breathed deep into me. I'm being restored. I'm being renewed. I'm being redeemed. But at the same time, there's been such a great loss that I find myself mourning those losses today.<br /><br />But the hope is this... In my mourning, he is here and he is near. In my weeping, he sees me and holds me tightly in his arms. In my brokenness, he draws near and he accepts me like this--exactly where I am. Exactly how I am. For he is the God of the oppressed, the hurting, the broken, the lost, the fpo dropouts... <br /><br />He is my God in whom I find rest.</p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-58074411356937093142009-10-30T11:58:00.001-07:002009-10-30T11:58:43.579-07:00Voice<p>I closed my eyes and breathed in deep and there before me was a woman...<br /><br />She was tall and skinny-bones hung on flesh like one who had been kept locked in chains and oppressed. I asked her, Who are you? She said, Voice. I could see a gentleness in her but also a strength that came from deep within. Her voice was that of strength yet full of compassion and wisdom. I asked her, What do you speak? She said immediately and without hesitation, Truth. I speak Truth. When she said this I knew it was a deep Truth. Like Truth that was spoken before the foundations of the earth. But still she was so frail and emaciated. And so I asked, But why do you look like this? She said, Because fear has kept me quiet. He has bound my hands and my feet and locked the door behind me. But though my body has wasted away, I am still strong. And I summoned fear to come near. He came and stood. We talked and he explained himself. When he finished, I charged him to step back and to release Voice. I told him that it is time that she be heard. It is time that she speak truth. And I asked fear to begin a new job. Instead of oppression, use your gifts to warn the house. Use your gifts to blow a trumpet at the threat of on coming attacks. Because if Voice speaks, then some will not like it. The House needs warning to establish its defense. With this, fear stepped aside, eager and excited about his new duty. And I looked at Voice and said to her, be who you were made to be. At this, she began to grow even taller. She was still skinny as a reed but she was fuller and healthier and stronger. And I said, Voice, speak. Speak Truth. For it is time that Truth be heard. May it come from deep within and may it be full of wisdom and discernment and compassion and grace and mercy. Speak with all gentleness these things and this House will listen and defend you. For you were made with a purpose for this House. So rise up and live your purpose...</p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-23571841683840762302009-10-28T11:16:00.001-07:002009-10-28T11:36:25.112-07:00power of stories/my own pep-talkyesterday, i went to a meeting and heard several ladies' stories. i almost didn't go because i felt disconnected from the group, but i'm really glad that i went. there was so much relevance to my life in their stories and i learned a lot. it reminded me of things that i'd tried to ignore for the past week because i hadn't consciously dealt with them directly.<br /><br />hearing one lady's account of her week last week prompted me to do something proactive and to admit and to recognize a problem and to work toward doing my part at seeing that problem addressed or at least noted to prevent a worse outcome in the future.<br /><br />i'm learning to have a voice. it's terrifying!!! it means speaking truth sometimes even though everyone else is ignoring the truth. geez... why do we ignore truth?! it's so freeing!!! but we're so afraid of the consequences. even though there could be negative consequences, the possibilities of HEALING and FREEDOM are so much greater. but we don't see that. we don't realize that. we're afraid that the negative, the evil, the evil one will win and rule and be victorious.<br /><br />but if we live in TRUTH, then we're living in the relm of God's authority.<br /><br />HE IS SO MUCH GREATER...<br /><br />...greater than my fears.<br />...greater than the evil one.<br />...greater than negative consequences.<br />...greater than the pain caused by scars and wounds.<br />...greater than my own feeble attempts to survive and function.<br />...greater than my own ways of trying to fill and to meet needs that i have deep inside of me.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-64583928292381147622009-10-14T07:28:00.000-07:002009-10-14T08:15:29.326-07:00new name<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_L5x2N6uMT3M/StXpNNfz2JI/AAAAAAAAAAw/Tnq1dVnVjrE/s1600-h/DSC_0276.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_L5x2N6uMT3M/StXpNNfz2JI/AAAAAAAAAAw/Tnq1dVnVjrE/s320/DSC_0276.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392472542016690322" border="0" /></a><br />I'm feeling nostalgic...<br /><br />In the past year, I've said so many goodbyes--some till eternity, some for a few months, some until who knows when. It's been a long year. I'm weary, but getting better.<br /><br />Some positives though...<br />1. i bought my first polish pottery piece for myself--tall mug.<br />2. i can now sing in polish and have an interesting conversation in polish<br />3. i have a new car<br />4. it is rainy in TN. i missed good ole rainy days.<br />5. saw a snowy winter.<br />6. rode my bike like a crazy mo fo through the streets of krakow.<br />7. visited turkey and macedonia and germany and greece and slovakia and the czech republic.<br />8. made a few friends for a lifetime.<br />9. was called "sister" by the roma.<br />10. i can sing roma songs!<br />11. wrote about 8 good keeper songs.<br />12. live in a nice house by myself!!!<br />13. had an apt by myself.<br />14. got to ride the train.<br />15. had a steady income for 10 months with insurance.<br />16. got a beautiful new guitar!<br />17. got a new harmonica!<br />18. got to eat beverly everly's cooking o so many amazing times.<br />19. met the Lady that Listens<br />20. got a cool krakow tattoo and lip piercing.<br />21. got to play gigs in krakow.<br />22. got to be an honored guest musician for an art exhibition opening for a famous painter in poland.<br />23. was taught how to use the light meter on my camera<br />24. learned the simple amazingness of mornings with oatmeal, coffee, the word and a good friend.<br />25. got to watch the trains going to warsaw from my balcony.<br />26. bought skinny jeans!<br />27. saw a sunrise in krakow and zakopane.<br />28. got to live in a cold place for the winter... man... this southern girl is like a fish out of water down here.<br />29. GOT DREADLOCKS my last 5 days in poland!!!<br />30. made 2 decent websites.<br />31. got to make wedding programs for a girl near vancouver.<br />32. got some terribly unbelievable and funny crazy stories from not so funny adventures. (there's always an adventure with me... i don't know what it is. can't do anything normal.)<br />33. I SLEEP IN A KING SIZED BED!!! my feet don't hang off the end and they're not jammed into the foot board and it's pretty much amazing.<br />34. got to teach orphan kids straight from the Word for a week.<br />35. i get to cut the grass every week and enjoy it because my skin doesn't break out in crazy rashes. G's changing even my skin. what does this mean?!<br /><br /><br />i'm sure there are so many more things i could put here, but i'm slowing down for the moment. man... it's been a full year--good and bad.<br /><br />God, this year, may I never forget where you've brought me out of and how you've provided for me in great ways. May I never forget. May I continue to seek healing with all my heart. May I continually delight in you. May you find me faithful to the things you've called me to. Thank you for where I am right now. Even though I'm always scheming about my escape back to Poland, for now, I'd rather be in no other place. Thanks for this safe place. Thanks for this rest. Thanks for this abundant blessing of CARE. amen.Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05742094734145883704noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-23253643308054619232009-10-03T08:21:00.001-07:002009-10-03T08:21:13.924-07:00My New Fave Shirt!<p><p><br /> <a href='http://lh3.ggpht.com/_7brl5x2m9C8/Ssdr4skJfyI/AAAAAAAAASI/-_GWfwHGw5c/33.jpg'><img style='float: left; margin: 10px;' align='left' src='http://lh3.ggpht.com/_7brl5x2m9C8/Ssdr4skJfyI/AAAAAAAAASI/-_GWfwHGw5c/33.jpg' width='160'/></a> <br /></p><br /></p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-60223826318612567292009-09-26T14:22:00.001-07:002009-09-26T14:22:22.899-07:00Delights<p>I wrote an email recently and said, "He shattered my brokenness." I was thinking about how bizarre that sounds. It almost doesn't make sense because it's meant to be a hopeful statement. The thought brings joy and gratefulness to my heart. <br /><br />So I was thinking about that and what it might look like. I saw a chipped, cracked ceramic plate. It had a clear gloss coating on the outside that seemed to be holding together the brittle and cracking ceramic on the inside. I saw this strong hand coming and shattering the plate on the floor--tiny pieces. It was a huge mess all over the floor. It was shattered so powerfully that it became like dust. Then a strong wind came and blew the thick dust into a pile. And a rain came and poured down over the pile of dust that was once a plate. Through the rain, these strong hands came and started to work the water into the dry dust. Slowly it began to change. It started to form a ball and became pliable and maliable in those hands. I saw the man that the hands belonged to. He was a big man sitting at a bench in a workshop. He was surrounded by pottery--some colorful, some finished, some broken, some raw and waiting to be shaped. The man's hands were dirty from the water and clay but he didn't seem to mind. Quietly, meticulously he worked. His potter's wheel was spinning. He placed the lump of wet clay on the wheel and he began to shape it. He was so patient and careful it amazed me. But I noticed his face. It was so full of compassion and joy and love. This wasn't just work for him. It wasn't just a job. It was a passion that was coming out of everything that he was. I could see that the creator loved to create. When he looked at the clay in his hands, there was delight on his face. He was delighting in taking the broken and restoring it to beauty. He was delighting in forming beauty out of that which he had breathed life into. <br /><br />He delights in me. I feel weary and painfully aware of my messiness and unfinishedness, but I know that my maker delights in me. I know that He is good. I know that he loves to show mercy and compassion to me. I know that he is near to the broken hearted. I know that he is near. There is no greater place that I would rather be than in the hands of my maker who delights in showing mercy to me. <br /><br />This is the God I know. This is the God I serve. This is the God who loves me. </p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-36349762798117229842009-09-22T09:29:00.001-07:002009-09-22T09:29:23.950-07:00Elijah's Moment<p>I find myself praying earnestly for Poland this morning. This morning I remembered my prayers 4 years ago in Rzeszów. I remember the cold wooden floor that I prayed facedown on. I remember the words that used to pour out of my heart for that city--God if you don't come, then they won't know you. If you don't move in power then their hearts won't know you. So come and pour down like a blazing fire from heaven and speak so that the people will see your power and they will know you in the depths of their hearts. More than the baptist way, more than the catholic way, more than any tradition, God, may their hearts know you and feel how it is to be held in your hands and how it sounds to have their names spoken and called by your Voice. May they desire you and follow you. <br /><br />I remember how my heart broke for people that I didn't even know. I remember feeling such a heavy burden and such a strong desire that the people around me would desire to know God and to live in his ways. <br /><br />Now I remember my time in Kraków. I remember how half-heartedly I had asked God for a burdened heart for the people he'd placed me around. I don't think I ever prayed on my knees much less my face for Kraków or the Roma.<br /><br />This morning I was reading Psalms. I got to Psalm 67 and started reading it as a prayer. And then I felt that I needed to pray it for Poland. <br /><br />"May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations. May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you." <br /><br />God may the people of Poland praise you! May they be writing songs of praise to you with all their hearts. May they be speaking your truths about experiences they've had with you. May they be desiring to know you and to see you move in their country. <br /><br />I don't know why I've been to Poland 4 times or why I'm obsessed with it or why I romantacize about it by calling it my home away from home, but ever since the first time I was there God connect my heart to people so deeply. I feel like I've had to leave pieces of my heart all over the country--Rzeszów, Tarnów, Kraków, Szaflary, McD's in Lublin, Warszawa and Poznań. For some reason God connected this crazy American girl's heart to Poland. I desire to see God move in Poland--not in an American way but in a beautiful Polish way that can only come through God's hand on Polish lives. <br /><br />We ask that God would bless us--not for ourselves but for the people he has placed us around. They will see what he has done and they will praise him. May we be able to be a part of that. May we have hearts that desire to be a part of what he is doing in our lives and where ever we find ourselves in this world. <br /><br />I hear the rain now in Spring Hill. I'm here for a moment, but I want to not miss this moment by wishing I were somewhere else. I want to be praying for people here and connecting with people. May he burden my heart for a new people. And if this burden for Poland stays, may he allow me to return in his time and not mine. May I be content to be where he has put me. May I be dedicated to the purpose he has for my life here right now--healing. May I persevere and seek it with all my heart because I know this is his purpose for me right now. And more than the watchmen for morning, may I wait and watch for him and his ways and his moving. May we be found faithful. May we desire him with all of our hearts above and beyond ourselves. For his ways are good and his paths everlasting and his love steadfast. <br /><br />May the glory of the Lord shine upon your face. May you stand at the crossroads and look for the ancient path--the good Way. And may you walk in it with all that you are.</p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-45306766583921912322009-08-12T16:09:00.001-07:002009-08-12T16:09:56.490-07:00Expectations<p>Ewa asked me today, "so what are your expecations for when you go back?" <br /><br />I'm expecting this time to be a time of transition. I'll be getting use to being in the states. That in itself is sometimes one of the hardest things. I expect that I'll have time to heal--to seek it and to accept it and to learn what it looks like to live in it. I expect that this time would be a time to look for a PT school program and to visit a couple of campuses and to prepare for it with prereqs. I expect it to end in December and that I'll be prepared for whatever should come after it. <br /><br />I'm afraid because i fear that I won't find community. I'm praying desperately for it. God in his wisdom has been giving me examples of what the difference is when I walk in community and when I try to walk on my own. <br /><br />I'm praying that I'll honestly be able to accept grace and to give it. To accept that I can't do everything on my own. To remember from where I came and not return. And to remember the one who brought me out--the one who hears me.<br /><br />For now, I'm surround by people who are giving me their undivided attention. Ewa's even shedding some blood for me tonight. Seriously god's surrounded me by people who love me. And he's teaching me to accept that love instead of turning it down all the time. I'm so humbled.<br /><br />See you on the flip side. Of the globe. </p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-5204014970845869832009-07-30T23:39:00.001-07:002009-07-30T23:39:32.908-07:00More Than A Name<p>...I want to see miracles. To see the world changed. Wrestle the angel for more than a name. More than a feeling. More than a cause... -Switchfoot<br /><br />I have this song stuck in my head. I feel the pressure of change in my jaw like you feel the change of pressure in your ears. Ha. <br /><br />Change change change. </p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-88142263968380154492009-07-26T09:30:00.000-07:002009-07-26T09:54:22.183-07:00Connection... they finally hear me.Umm... can I just say how sweet and terribly humbling it is to finally feel like I connect to these peeps? In the last 8 months, I have never felt this wonderfully welcomed into their community like I felt last week at camp. They call me "siostra" now... that's polish for "sister".<br /><br />Last week was camp. We took 40 IWCers and 30 Roma peeps and some other peeps to the mountains for family camp week. Food sucked. Not gonna lie. Even the Poles didn't like it and the Roma turned it down. So I feel that as the picky American that my opinion of the food should be noted.<br /><br />I found out last week like 2 days before camp that I had been asked to be the official worship leader for this week. Apparently in January that topic during the nonmeeting thing time that I showed up for wasn't important enough to make it in my long term memory. However, since I'm not a planner (meaning it wouldn't have mattered how early in advance i found out about it i still wouldn't have thought much about it until it was time to do it), it was a great surprise and i actually loved every minute of it.<br /><br />We sang as one group that song "Give Me Jesus" in all 3 languages--polish, roma and english. God totally picked out that song and one of the translators as tools for leading the group in worship and unifying them as one body of Christ. While singing at the top of my lungs, I would just smile because I could hear all the voices in the room singing together in different languages. The Creator of languages came and breathed his presence and spirit out into our souls creating a unifying language. Ewa (in my address book i have her name as "Ewa Bogu" meaning "God's Ewa") sang next to me. Usually the prayers are translated, but I asked her in advance not to translate the prayers. I told her that my prayers shouldn't be spoken for the people in the room but for God. So I asked her to pray in polish after I prayed. It was so incredibly freeing because I knew that I was talking to God and not trying to extend some kind of sermon on all those that could hear me "praying". It was truly a moment to talk to God. It doesn't matter what language you are praying in because you can just sense God's presence so close when you're near someone praying whether it be out loud or to themselves. Hearing some of the Roma pray humbled my heart and led me to just breathe out prayers to the same God.<br /><br />One day I played taxis driver. It was so much fun. As we went flying past the hotel on this windy mountain 2 lane road and as Sheila, my passenger, exclaimed, "that's the hotel!", I said, "I've got something to show you." Ha we flew through mountain passes for about 20min in the big blue VW van and finally after having our breath knocked out by the beauty, we arrived in Slovakia. I parked on the side of the highway. We jumped out and ran to the border. Got a picture by the sign. Then ran back to the van to make it back just in time for Obiad (lunch). haha... I love Slovakia. So beautiful.<br /><br />This past month has been a time where I've truly felt in my life like the writer of psalm 23 when they said, "My cup overflows."Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-84480054888606569372009-07-20T06:56:00.001-07:002009-07-20T06:56:49.621-07:00Home Church<p>I'm thankful that people have home churches to keep in contact with them and who support them from the states or send teams. I've done a great job at isolating myself. <br /><br />At camp. Reminds me of the hill country in the sound of music. Beautiful. I'm leading worship tonight. I've met some cool ppl. </p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131751209743769816.post-45111032848330088532009-07-19T03:17:00.001-07:002009-07-19T03:17:32.338-07:00Purpose<p>Why the hell am I here again?! I forget. </p><br /><p>Posted with <a href='http://lifecast.sleepydog.net'>LifeCast</a></p><br />Cadehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06228777293094208403noreply@blogger.com0