Mourning

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted...

This trip is like a bookend. It's like the end of a section of my life.

It's been a little over a year since I was here. I remember the walkways and the nasty lake and the cluster of buildings and the great piano in the main meeting room.

How I wish that I could jog by the gazebo and hear Emily play something sweet. I wish I could borrow the white mini van and block AP in. I wish I could hear Beverly processing through the things she's been learning. I wish I could work on a prayer card while the parade of speakers carries on. I wish I could go eat outside with my best friend. And I wish that I was bright eyed and heading off on my Great Polish Adventure.

I look back and I think... How much have I lost. I mourn today.

No, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything because I know it's been the road to here--healing and hopefilled life that's been breathed deep into me. I'm being restored. I'm being renewed. I'm being redeemed. But at the same time, there's been such a great loss that I find myself mourning those losses today.

But the hope is this... In my mourning, he is here and he is near. In my weeping, he sees me and holds me tightly in his arms. In my brokenness, he draws near and he accepts me like this--exactly where I am. Exactly how I am. For he is the God of the oppressed, the hurting, the broken, the lost, the fpo dropouts...

He is my God in whom I find rest.

Posted with LifeCast