Change

Playlist: "Surely We Can Change" David Crowder*Band

The song at the end says, "the whole world's about to change. the whole world's about to change." And I feel those words in a new way. My world's about to change.

I just got back from Greece. Yes, I know. Feel jealous. It was beautiful and more than I dreamed it would be. I left with hope. More hope than I've been able to have in a long time. For a long time my hope has been in an idea of something I had to believe was true. Because if it wasn't true then I had nothing left. But that truth and hope have become real to my life once again. Things are changing.

A friend wrote me a short story...
"There was once a girl who was carrying a load much too heavy for her to bear. As time wore on, her body grew so very weary. She was trying to make it up a hillside when along side her came another girl. The second girl's shoulders began to ache as she walked with the first. It was almost as if the load was on her as well. As the second girl's step fell into rhythm she joyfully took some of the weight from her friend and bore it with her. Doing this made her heart glad. She could think of nothing sweeter than sharing with her friend, her sister, an experience that would strengthen both of them. They continued up the hill when they met a man who was coming down the hill. He picked both of them up, along with the heavy heavy load and ran to the top of the hill with them. They stood there, all three. And there, with their hands tucked into the hands of that man they found rest. They drank in the view and breathed in the moment.

There was rest."

Athens, Greece 06/27/09

Feelings

I feel a lightening of my spirit. Like a fog is lifting. Like there's new light on the horizon. A new day is coming. And I don't know how long this new day will last but I'll hope for it and long for it finally instead of dragging myself through the mud of the dark forest. Someone said that she could see a rawness to my emotions and an honesty pouring out if me. These are the signs of the dawn. May I have the courage to follow through on the process of healing. May I be able to desire finally the things that are honest and true and freeing. The things of life.

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Oświęcim/Auschwitz Bus

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Finally Went To Auschwitz

The weather didn't do these places justice. It was beautiful today. Beautiful blue clouds and green grass and clear sky so we could see the mountains. Amazing. One thought I know is terrible... Good thing so many people died or else the Auschwitz tour companies wouldve been po. No but seriously. It's hard to comprehend the hugeness of this and the system that executed the plan and the way people just accepted it. This phenomenon reminds me of a quote from the movie Dante's peak. He said something about if you boil water and throw a frog in it then the frog will immediately jump out. But if you put the frog in the water and them turn the heat on it will eventually boil to death because it never noticed the heat until it was too late to do anything about it. It seems that anahalation of the entire Jewish people was not the first plan or intention but policies and orders changed until suddenly people realized that something was terribly wrong and it was too late to stop the system. I always wonder what kind if person I would choose to be in that kind of world.I don't know. Just thoughts. Just observations.

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Pay Day & Job Security

So I'm selling the remainder of my 2 year contract (14 months) to the highest bidder.

The buzz recently has been about the hiring freeze and other such things by the trustees. Yes, this is a company. A big one. Concerned with lots of money. So people have been talking with great anticipation and anxiety about whether or not they'll be able to extend their terms which they'd been planning on doing or if they'll have to go home earlier than they'd hoped. I laugh while people talk about extending. I was hoping to destend.

I was reading a friend's blog today and it made me sad that I couldn't say the same things she was saying about her time where she is. These past 8 months have felt like an eternity. I want to give up most days. It's been like a constant fight just to make it to the next bench marker. Right now I'm trying to make it to the end of June. Next, I want to try to make it to the end of August. After August there will be a whole lot of nothing. With all these changes happening in the company, most people, even the career people, don't know what they'll be doing next. Lots of people are waiting to hear some answers at this annual meeting we'll have in a week. I have a feeling that some of it will be cleared up but that it'll also create a ton more questions and insecurities in people's minds. People don't know what to count on and can't make plans because so much is up in the air.

I want to be a Physical Therapist. I don't know how it'll work out because I really don't have the money. But I think that this is something that God wants me to do and has finally brought me to the place where I can accept that and get excited about it. Right now, I'm praying for 1) Where to go to school and for a family or someone to live with there; 2) That it be a place where I can just ride my bike to and from school and to work; 3) A job. I love making coffee. I'd love to work at a coffee shop again; 4) Wisdom about how to pay for school. I'll need to take about 30hrs of prereq classes before I can even start a PT program. Science. Lots of science.

Anyways... that's all folks.

Sweet Storm Today

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Warsaw Minstry Blog & A friends blog

While I was in Warsaw last week, I was able to work with some people who minister to poor families and orphans. It was a good time. I was asked to write a blog post about the day. Click on the link to go to the blog page where the pictures and story were posted on...

Radosc Blog Page

Also, today I read a friend's blog post about being a pastor. I really liked his thoughts. I'm thankful that I can call Kyle and Anna my friends. Anyways... if you'd like to read his thoughts, here's the link...

Kyle's Blog

As for me, I'm in Krakow with a 3 day long headache. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe I'm allergic to Krakow. I don't know. I just finished watching the Matrix Trilogy. Man there was a ton of theology in those 3 movies. Like from Christianity and Buddhism and Hinduism and other religions I'm sure. They were just jam packed with philosophical sayings. It was like watching a religion theology book. ha. Anyways... But as far as Christian Theology, I am reading "Jesus Among Other God's" by Ravi Zacharias. Good book. I like it so far. I like the author because he's knowledgeable of other major religions and doesn't really throw rocks at the other religions so much. It's more of him examining how different Jesus really is compared to the others.

"Sunshine Hill" by Derek Kehler just came on my shuffling ipod. Perfect moment for that song. Here's his myspace page...

Derek Kehler's Myspace Page

Dobrej Sabota!

White Mocha Happiness

I'm thankful for people who let me participate in their lives for a little while. It's like I'm constantly coming and going and for those who stay I feel like I am only a visitor in their lives for a period of time and then I have to pack up and leave. And they have to clean up after me and tell me to write. I suck at writing. I get worse and worse at it the more times I have to say goodbye. I used to hold on for dear life to the ones I had to leave. Writing was how I coped with it. Now I find that to survive I have to write less often. Maybe it's a selfishness though. Maybe I just don't like my life right now so I don't want to have to catch people up on it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Dorota gave me copies of videos she took of my last concert. I played a new song. It needs work but the chorus is worth keeping. It keeps playing in my head. We all got something something something. We all got something something something. We all got something something something. Something to hold on to.

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White Chocolate Mocha

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Free Bathrooms

So since Thursday I've been looking for Roma here in Warsaw. Thursday I found a Roma woman and gave her a DVD. I met here in a place I wasn't expecting to see her. I had been walking with my friend Dorota all afternoon and had to pee. So we found free bathrooms in a nice mall and that's where we saw the woman.

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