Friday, October 30, 2009

Voice

I closed my eyes and breathed in deep and there before me was a woman...

She was tall and skinny-bones hung on flesh like one who had been kept locked in chains and oppressed. I asked her, Who are you? She said, Voice. I could see a gentleness in her but also a strength that came from deep within. Her voice was that of strength yet full of compassion and wisdom. I asked her, What do you speak? She said immediately and without hesitation, Truth. I speak Truth. When she said this I knew it was a deep Truth. Like Truth that was spoken before the foundations of the earth. But still she was so frail and emaciated. And so I asked, But why do you look like this? She said, Because fear has kept me quiet. He has bound my hands and my feet and locked the door behind me. But though my body has wasted away, I am still strong. And I summoned fear to come near. He came and stood. We talked and he explained himself. When he finished, I charged him to step back and to release Voice. I told him that it is time that she be heard. It is time that she speak truth. And I asked fear to begin a new job. Instead of oppression, use your gifts to warn the house. Use your gifts to blow a trumpet at the threat of on coming attacks. Because if Voice speaks, then some will not like it. The House needs warning to establish its defense. With this, fear stepped aside, eager and excited about his new duty. And I looked at Voice and said to her, be who you were made to be. At this, she began to grow even taller. She was still skinny as a reed but she was fuller and healthier and stronger. And I said, Voice, speak. Speak Truth. For it is time that Truth be heard. May it come from deep within and may it be full of wisdom and discernment and compassion and grace and mercy. Speak with all gentleness these things and this House will listen and defend you. For you were made with a purpose for this House. So rise up and live your purpose...


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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

power of stories/my own pep-talk

yesterday, i went to a meeting and heard several ladies' stories. i almost didn't go because i felt disconnected from the group, but i'm really glad that i went. there was so much relevance to my life in their stories and i learned a lot. it reminded me of things that i'd tried to ignore for the past week because i hadn't consciously dealt with them directly.

hearing one lady's account of her week last week prompted me to do something proactive and to admit and to recognize a problem and to work toward doing my part at seeing that problem addressed or at least noted to prevent a worse outcome in the future.

i'm learning to have a voice. it's terrifying!!! it means speaking truth sometimes even though everyone else is ignoring the truth. geez... why do we ignore truth?! it's so freeing!!! but we're so afraid of the consequences. even though there could be negative consequences, the possibilities of HEALING and FREEDOM are so much greater. but we don't see that. we don't realize that. we're afraid that the negative, the evil, the evil one will win and rule and be victorious.

but if we live in TRUTH, then we're living in the relm of God's authority.

HE IS SO MUCH GREATER...

...greater than my fears.
...greater than the evil one.
...greater than negative consequences.
...greater than the pain caused by scars and wounds.
...greater than my own feeble attempts to survive and function.
...greater than my own ways of trying to fill and to meet needs that i have deep inside of me.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

new name


I'm feeling nostalgic...

In the past year, I've said so many goodbyes--some till eternity, some for a few months, some until who knows when. It's been a long year. I'm weary, but getting better.

Some positives though...
1. i bought my first polish pottery piece for myself--tall mug.
2. i can now sing in polish and have an interesting conversation in polish
3. i have a new car
4. it is rainy in TN. i missed good ole rainy days.
5. saw a snowy winter.
6. rode my bike like a crazy mo fo through the streets of krakow.
7. visited turkey and macedonia and germany and greece and slovakia and the czech republic.
8. made a few friends for a lifetime.
9. was called "sister" by the roma.
10. i can sing roma songs!
11. wrote about 8 good keeper songs.
12. live in a nice house by myself!!!
13. had an apt by myself.
14. got to ride the train.
15. had a steady income for 10 months with insurance.
16. got a beautiful new guitar!
17. got a new harmonica!
18. got to eat beverly everly's cooking o so many amazing times.
19. met the Lady that Listens
20. got a cool krakow tattoo and lip piercing.
21. got to play gigs in krakow.
22. got to be an honored guest musician for an art exhibition opening for a famous painter in poland.
23. was taught how to use the light meter on my camera
24. learned the simple amazingness of mornings with oatmeal, coffee, the word and a good friend.
25. got to watch the trains going to warsaw from my balcony.
26. bought skinny jeans!
27. saw a sunrise in krakow and zakopane.
28. got to live in a cold place for the winter... man... this southern girl is like a fish out of water down here.
29. GOT DREADLOCKS my last 5 days in poland!!!
30. made 2 decent websites.
31. got to make wedding programs for a girl near vancouver.
32. got some terribly unbelievable and funny crazy stories from not so funny adventures. (there's always an adventure with me... i don't know what it is. can't do anything normal.)
33. I SLEEP IN A KING SIZED BED!!! my feet don't hang off the end and they're not jammed into the foot board and it's pretty much amazing.
34. got to teach orphan kids straight from the Word for a week.
35. i get to cut the grass every week and enjoy it because my skin doesn't break out in crazy rashes. G's changing even my skin. what does this mean?!


i'm sure there are so many more things i could put here, but i'm slowing down for the moment. man... it's been a full year--good and bad.

God, this year, may I never forget where you've brought me out of and how you've provided for me in great ways. May I never forget. May I continue to seek healing with all my heart. May I continually delight in you. May you find me faithful to the things you've called me to. Thank you for where I am right now. Even though I'm always scheming about my escape back to Poland, for now, I'd rather be in no other place. Thanks for this safe place. Thanks for this rest. Thanks for this abundant blessing of CARE. amen.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

My New Fave Shirt!





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