disappointed

so apparently apartment finding has become more than a game of who's first to put a deposit on the new apt. apparently it's so much more complicated than that. i know about credit checks and needing a recommendation and such practices when seeking to rent an apt. however, recently i found myself in a screening process that has just confused the heck out of me.

me and my friend went to see an apt and we really liked it. it was the 2nd apt we had seen out of countless others that we could both afford and that we really liked and felt safe in when we were seeing it. so we expressed that we would like to rent it immediately. that's when we found out that there were other people interested in the apt but the couple renting it were going to choose who they liked the most for renting it out. i missed that detail of the competition aspect of the whole thing and had to be debriefed after we left. we were told that they would contact us in 2 days to let us know whether or not they'd picked us for the apt. i didn't even get a chance to suck up or anything.

the people met us for 10min. all they knew about us was that i work and ewa is finishing school. i'm american. we're both quiet and we don't smoke. other than that... i don't think they asked us anything else about ourselves. so that's what they had to base their decision on. today the guy finally called at 9p to tell us that they really liked us but were going to rent the apt to someone else. but if those people drop out then they'll call us and see if we're still interested. geez...

i need a home.

i've been living out of boxes and bags since the end of may. i paid rent this month but don't even have wardrobe space of my own... no wait... i have a shelf. geez... what the hell am i doing with my life?

ps... my dog got run over by a truck and my trailor burned down and all i've got is hot beer in the back of my broken down truck.

happy thanksgiving

merry christmas

happy new years

... i'm getting a head start on the end of the year.

still, quiet

i remember a few years ago seeing the shock and dismay displayed across a friend's face as i told him that i didn't want to go to the upcoming passion conference. he was in shock by the fact that i didn't feel the spiritual need to go to the conference. i didn't view the conference as a vital lifeline for my relationship with God.

this past sunday at church it was a pretty crazy scene. i could've sworn that at one point they were going to start dancing the thriller dance. people seemed moved and half out of their minds. it reminds me of david dancing naked in front of the ark or the disciples speaking in tongues at pentecost and being accused of being drunk.

but then last night i was laying in bed and listening to "found" by hillsong. the electronic piano/hammon sound took me to a place of longing to hear from God. then i heard the roar of heavy rain outside my window and for a second i wondered... God are you in the rain? then i saw myself sitting in the mouth of a cave hoping to hear God in the rain like elijah. but i didn't hear him in the rain. i didn't hear him in the fire of the church meeting last week.

at different times he does speak to us during times of rain, fire and violent winds. but sometimes he doesn't. sometimes he speaks in the quiet. in the stillness. in the quiet places of my heart where i can slow down and just sit and listen.

some things i'd like to hear from him about:
an apartment... safe place to live. home. my own space.
job... work. money.
purpose... i feel like i have purpose in life, but i get easily discouraged when i start to think of how my purpose isn't leading me to some kind of financial stability. i mean... i need a season of deposits into the bank account as opposed to the negatives that steadily get listed each day.
worship... where am i supposed to lead people? what does God want to teach me and where does he want to lead me so that i can lead and teach other people?

ok... that's all for the moment. peace.

the street life

i finally found a spot to play on the street. i figured that i could make some extra cash like i did last week.

i had just gotten warmed up and cozy in my spot when this guy walked up semi close. i could tell he was watching me even though he was trying to pretend like he wasn't. he slowly made his way around me in a semi circle at a distance. finally he planted himself behind me on some bike racks that i was leaning against. i had my backpack behind my back as a pillow against the hard metal. so i kept one eye on him and one on my guitar case. then another guy came from no where and he set his doufle bag on one side of me and then walked over to the other side of me real friendly-like asking me questions about my guitar and commenting about how nice it was and trying to be too friendly (totally not a polish thing). and then the guy behind me got closer slowly. finally i grabbed my bag, put it under my leg while i packed my guitar in the case. i booked it out of there.

man... tryin to hussle a hussler. crazy mo fo's. in the states my stuff would've already been long gone. but i guess the poles figure they can work slower because people aren't expecting to be robbed in the middle of a crowded street while everyone's looking. i need a street buddy to watch my back.

dang... only made 1zl (30cents). i need a job.

un-souvenirs

one of my friends blogged about traveling and that someone said that americans take things from other places. i'd like to give my example of how that's not personally true of my travels...

recently, it came to my attention that i only have 8 pairs of undies. i counted because i was packing for an 11 night trip. i did bring more even though i only moved to poland with a backpack. which means... somehow along the course of traveling i've managed to lose (or had them stolen which has happened before) a few pairs of undies. most people enjoy the experience of finding something in a new place to take back to their old place... souvenirs. apparently, i've been leaving a legacy of dirty undies throughout the world.

to make the story more exciting, i had my friend mail my computer to a lady that's coming to krakow in a week! i'll have a computer again!!! but apparently through the course of conversation i made it clear that i didn't have much stuff as far as base layers. so she included my undies with the computer. they weren't new, fresh in the package undies, no they're my old undies which i'm hoping were clean but can't guarantee such things since i was expecting to return to the states shortly to finish my laundry.

so i have new undies about to travel the ocean. o how i missed them so. finally we'll be together again. i'll be ridin smooth and happy again with fresh undies.

the picky beggar

anyone want to sponsor me for a trip to macedonia to help with worship and leading an iwc group around skopje for a week?

it would be good for my heart and hopefully encouraging for the peeps there too.

thought i'd ask. i did it last year on my own monies and it was one of the awesome highlights of my summer. it was a sweet time with God and other believers serving in the roma villages in skopje. this year if i had the money i'd be there in a sec.

shock

i lived completely by myself for 3 months. now i live in an apt with 10 other girls. i sleep on a mattress on the floor at night in a room with 2 other girls and during the day lean the mattress against the wall. my stuff is stashed on top of wardrobes. there's a constant stream of polish all day long. shock to the senses. ahhhh!!!

today the worries on my mind... money... job... future journey. where am i going?

home... where will you be? who will you be?

i'm reading a biography about dietrich bonhoefer. it's good. next friday i have a concert in krakow. i need to sell cds.